she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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