I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
