it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
