If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
