I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
