New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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