how hairy? two words: wookie tits
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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