There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
