I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
