I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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