she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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