Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Maybe he injected his testicle?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
