so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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