HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
