another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
