Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
