Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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