We got so high we made milksteak
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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