Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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