It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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