I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
