YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
