ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just google imaged poop.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
