He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
