i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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