I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
