I wish you could order shots online.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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