K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
