At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
