Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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