oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
