Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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