wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
