Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
even my farts smell like vagina
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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