How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
