last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize