they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
