I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
