You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
