he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
