Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
