you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
