all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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