i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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