Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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