I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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