That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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