i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize