your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
