Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
