3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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