You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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