I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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