Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
