i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
