i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
