she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
