My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
