when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
