oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
