i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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