I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
