in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need a beard to bite.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
