So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
