its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize