So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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