We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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