Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize