Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
