i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
