and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
