It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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