the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
