Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
