I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
