dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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