Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
